I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
