How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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