How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
