would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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