I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We need a shit load of segways right now
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
