the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
