Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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