I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
