he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
