You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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