I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
