i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
