Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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