he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
