she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
