just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize