oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
