My friends, they love my intelligence
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
