Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
