my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
thus making me awesome and them whores
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
