Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
