Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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