I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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