Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
