I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize