So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
