I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
