sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Someone came in the potted fern
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
