thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This baby is an asshole
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
