I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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