I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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