Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
