just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
