My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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