i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
