Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
