Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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