After last night, I could never be a politician.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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