If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
