So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
