Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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