If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
