can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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