Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
