Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he thought i was a dude.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
