My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
