do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
