Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
