It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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