just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
