she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
