I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize