I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
