i permit you to call me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
