Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
