Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
