Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
