My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
