oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
