just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
