I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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