i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
