1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
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I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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