Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize