were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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