You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
