So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
