Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
