I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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