I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
