This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
