I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
