I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
