I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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