i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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