He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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