Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize