these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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